Can Jiu Jitsu Help You Control Your Emotions?
If you often get frustrated and lose your temper and end up behaving in a way you regret or hurting people you love, you might be wondering if Brazilian Jiu Jitsu could help you get your emotions under control. In this article I’ll explore this idea and share my thoughts on how BJJ might be able to help you develop self-control and other positive character traits and improve your relationships.
Often when people picture martial artists, they picture a row of students with expressionless faces exhibiting strength and discipline as they move together in unison with through a sequence of techniques known as “kata”. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is different from other martial arts in that it doesn’t involve memorizing specific techniques but instead teaches practitioners to problem-solve in the moment while fighting. While classes do include drilling, the structure is much less formal, with the goal being to learn how to make a technique work on an opponent of any size instead of how to make it look beautiful.
Can Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Develop Discipline and Character?
Even though Jiu Jitsu is less formal than other martial arts, it still has many benefits for mental health and character development. For example, by continuing to show up week after week even when it feels like you’re not getting any better, you learn the important life lesson there are no shortcuts to success, and that the only way to reach your goals is to stay focused and be consistent even if you aren’t seeing immediate results.
How does BJJ Help With Managing Emotions?
One of these days I’ll write a blog post sharing some of the other lessons I’ve learned, but in this article I want to answer the question of how–or if–Jiu Jitsu can help with emotional regulation.
What Does it Mean to “Control Emotions”?
I want to talk for a minute about the idea of “controlling” one’s emotions.
Most of us can agree that when we feel a “negative” emotion such as anger or frustration, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to respond to that emotion. For example, if a feeling of anger leads to an act of violence or vandalism, that’s typically not a good thing.
The desire to avoid responding to a negative emotion by causing harm or acting in a way that we’ll regret can lead us conclude that the best solution when we start to feel those negative emotions would be to force ourselves to ignore the feeling or feel something different instead. Since that’s not easy to do, one might think that developing better self-control or stronger willpower is what’s needed, and that training a martial art like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu might help with that.
Why You’ll Never Be Able to Control Your Emotions (and What to Do Instead)
Here’s the thing about emotions: they don’t care what we think. As much as we may wish we could get rid of them altogether, feelings serve an important purpose: they let us know the truth about what’s really going on and warn us when something’s not right.
Just like the feeling of pain experienced when you touch something hot lets you know you need to move your hand, feelings of anger or frustration are telling you there’s a problem. Perhaps the problem is your expectations, or perhaps you’re actually a victim of injustice. Either way, ignoring and suppressing this important warning signal will only make it more likely to explode out of you when you don’t want it to, making you feel as if you’re not in control of your emotions.
So what’s a healthy way to deal with negative emotions when they happen?
Here’s a 3-step process I try to follow whenever I feel negative emotions:
- Pause & Acknowledge: When you notice feelings of anger or frustration arising, take some deep breaths and mentally name what you’re feeling. For example, “I’m feeling angry right now.” or “I’m starting to feel frustrated.” This validates your experience without judgment and creates a moment of space between the trigger and your response.
- Investigate with Curiosity: Rather than trying to change the feeling immediately, get curious about it: Where do you feel it in your body? What thoughts are accompanying it? What expectations did you have that were different than what you’re experiencing? What prior experiences are you being reminded of? This step helps transform the emotion from something that feels overwhelming into useful information about yourself and the situation.
- Respond Intentionally: With this newfound understanding, you can choose how to respond in a way that honors both your feelings and your values. This might involve:
- Reframing the situation from a different perspective
- Taking constructive action to address the root cause
- Expressing your needs and expectations clearly to others
- Using the energy of the emotion as motivation for positive change
- Removing yourself from a situation that’s unhealthy
How Jiu Jitsu Can Help Prevent Emotional Outbursts
You might be wondering, “What does all this have to do with Jiu Jitsu?” Well, I’ll tell you.
There are two major ways Jiu Jitsu can help you learn to respond to negative emotions in a healthy way instead of acting out or taking them out on other people.
1. Jiu Jitsu Teaches You to Respond Quickly to a Feeling.
When you first start Jiu Jitsu, the first few times you spar or “roll” you have no idea what to do, so you start “freaking out”: pushing, struggling, making big, uncontrolled, movements, and spending a lot of energy without getting anywhere.
Over time, you learn how to be patient, to relax under pressure, and to FEEL an opportunity to move efficiently at the right time and with intention. When your opponent makes a big movement, you learn to move WITH it and use it to your advantage instead of pushing against it.
Jiu Jitsu teaches you to RESPOND instead of REACT, and that is exactly what you need to do in response to negative emotions as well as to uncomfortable Jiu Jitsu positions.
2. You Can’t Hide On the Mats.
Negative emotions don’t come up when everything is going our way; they come up when we’re feeling stressed. In Jiu Jitsu class, you put yourself in situations which allow you to experience stress in a safe and controlled environment and train how to remain calm and respond with intention under pressure. If you are prone to losing your temper or becoming frustrated, that will most definitely come out in Jiu Jitsu class.
Knowing that’s going to happen gives you the opportunity to decide ahead of time to practice the process outlined above instead of giving into those negative emotions and taking them out on your training partner or storming off the mat.
Whether or not Jiu Jitsu Will Help is Up to You.
Training Jiu Jitsu won’t magically turn you into a different person. There are plenty of assholes wearing every belt color. But if you are determined and willing to work on responding to your emotions in a healthy way instead of suppressing them or reacting to them in a way that harms you or others, Jiu Jitsu can help you fast-track that process by giving you opportunities to practice responding with intention instead of reacting mindlessly.
Even if you never win a competition, if Jiu Jitsu helps you become more patient and kind to yourself and others, then your training will be worth it.
