12 Jiu Jitsu Beginner Tips for Women New to BJJ

I put together this list of tips for people just starting out in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu based on my personal experience as well as some advice shared in a Facebook group I’m part of, Jiu Jitsu After 40 – Ladies Edition. While these tips can apply to anyone, they are tailored more toward women starting Jiu Jitsu as an adult or later in life.

1. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Jiu Jitsu beginners are often surprised at how hard Jiu Jitsu is, especially when they’re just starting out. The first few classes often feel like you’ve been thrown into the deep end, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and come away feeling like you suck at everything. That’s normal for white belts. No one expects a white belt to know anything or even to remember techniques from one class to the next.

My instructor encourages students to think of their first time practicing a new technique like sketching the outline of a picture. You only need the basic shapes at first; you’ll color in the details later. In my experience, I have to drill a technique on at least three separate occasions before I’m able to remember it. The more frequently you attend class, or drill outside of class if you aren’t able to attend as frequently as you’d like, the sooner you’ll be able to recall previously learned techniques.

Jiu Jitsu is also very physically intense, and more so in the beginning (especially if you attend a gym that puts you through 15-20 minutes of intense warmups before getting to the actual lesson).

Even CrossFit athletes, and weight lifters, and lifelong competitors from other sports find themselves gassing out after a few rounds of rolling and tapping out to smaller and weaker training partners. In fact, I’ve observed that people who typically experience rapid success in learning new sports are often MORE frustrated when they struggle in Jiu Jitsu than people with no athletic background because they aren’t as used to failing. Strength and giftedness only gets you so far in Jiu Jitsu, which is both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you choose to look at it.

I’ll let you in on a secret: you know those upper belts you roll with who aren’t even breaking a sweat? It’s not because they’re hitting the gym harder between classes–it’s because they’re not working nearly as hard as you. The longer you train Jiu Jitsu, the more efficient you become. You learn how to use leverage and timing instead of strength to conserve energy. In fact, people who aren’t naturally strong often become more technical in Jiu Jitsu because they can’t use strength as a crutch.

2. Listen to Your Body.

As an older beginner, it’s not reasonable for you or anyone else to expect that you’ll be able to keep up with others in the class who are lifelong athletes in the prime of your life, and trying to do so may result in injury.

Show up a little early so you’ll have time to stretch and warm up. Remember to breathe during warmups and while rolling, and fuel yourself with healthy meals and snacks before and after class.

There can be a lot of pressure to keep up with the class, especially in group warm-ups and line drills (which I personally loathe…but I’ll save that rant for a future blog post). As an adult, you and you alone get to make decisions about your own body and what it can handle.

Don’t be afraid to step off the mat or sit out a round when you need to. If stepping off the mat or sitting out for a few minutes is an issue or your instructor gives you a hard time for listening to the needs of your own body, that might be a red flag about your gym culture.

3. Own Your Right to Be There.

I see lots of comments and questions from female beginners in Facebook groups such as Women in Jiu Jitsu who feel as if they are a burden or an inconvenience to their training partners. This is just imposter syndrome rearing its nasty head; I promise you, if you’re feeling this way as a woman, you’re thinking about it way more than the beginner men who actually are a burden and a danger to their training partners.

You have just as much of a right to receive quality instruction as every other paying student. As Jiu Jitsu After 40 – Women’s Edition Facebook group member Christin Thome put it, “You don’t need to apologize for existing.”

Also, don’t be too quick to assume that more advanced students don’t benefit from partnering with you. Teaching a technique when drilling with a beginner is one of the best ways to improve understanding and retention of that technique, and rolling with you gives advanced students an opportunity to experiment with new techniques they wouldn’t have the opportunity to try when rolling more competitively.

4. Focus on the Fundamentals

I always recommend that beginners start by learning the basic positions of Jiu Jitsu and identify one defensive goal (how to stay safe) and one offensive goal (how to advance) for each position.

Admittedly, some gyms are better than others at helping new students learn the basis in a systemic way. I’ve been to a lot of Jiu Jitsu classes while visiting other cities where the entire consisted of basically memorizing a series of complicated moves, which can feel overwhelming when you don’t yet know the basics.

One thing I love about my gym is that my instructor focuses on connecting each technique to the underlying principle, and the same principles are reiterated again and again, but depending on where you live, you may not have the option to train at a gym with a beginner-friendly curriculum.

It’s normal for everything to feel foreign at first, but if after a few months of training you still feel like you’re still missing a grasp on the basics, I would suggest supplementing your training with an online program that can help fill in some gaps. I recommend the Gracie Combatives program as a starting point. Riron and Renner Gracie do great job at explaining the fundamentals, and the techniques covered in that series will give you a solid foundation to build on.

From the program description: “Although the art of jiu-jitsu consists of over 600 techniques, studies of real fights conducted by members of the Gracie Family have shown that 36 techniques have been used more often and with greater success than all the other techniques combined. Originally developed for the U.S. Army, Gracie Combatives is the only course that is entirely dedicated to the mastery of these 36 essential techniques.”

5. Tap Early and Often

If something hurts, tap. If you feel nervous about a position you’re in, tap. Remember, if you can’t tap with your hands, you can tap with your foot or say, “TAP TAP TAP!”

There is no shame in tapping. It is not a badge of honor to persist through pain…instead, it risks suffering an injury that prevents you from training and may interfere with your daily life. I’ll often tap just because I know I’ve lost the position and would rather spend my time working on defending earlier, or occasionally because I don’t feel comfortable with the person I’m rolling with.

One note on Jiu Jitsu etiquette when tapping: Never make an excuse for tapping that minimizes your training partner’s win. Don’t say something like, “I only tapped because…” or anything that implies you could have won if you hadn’t tapped. If you tap, your partner won the match, regardless of the reason.

6. Communicate Your Needs.

Sometimes you have to advocate for yourself in Jiu Jitsu class, especially as a woman.

If your partner is doing something that makes it difficult for you to learn, it’s best to (politely) speak up! If they are giving you too much resistance and making it impossible for you to perform a technique you’re supposed to be drilling, ask them if they can lighten up a bit to let you work. On the other hand, if they are being too floppy or making the moves too easy, you can ask for more resistance. If something they’re doing is causing you discomfort, (for example, if you feel like your ribs might break when they’re drilling knee on belly or arm bars from mount) definitely speak up.

It’s also okay to ask your training partner to save off-topic conversations until after class, or to stop coaching you through a move so you can have a chance to think.

Some women who are neurodivergent or suffer from past trauma experience panic attacks or other emotional difficulties while training Jiu Jitsu. Others have physical conditions or old injuries that inhibit certain types of movements. In these cases, it’s up to you to decide who you want to share with an how, but generally, the more you are able to share with your instructors and training partners, the better they’ll be able to support you.

7. Choose your Training partners carefully.

Never feel pressured to train with someone who makes you feel unsafe. When someone asks you if you want to pair up, it’s always okay to say, “no thank you.”

Sometimes at my gym, we do drills where a few people start out on the mat and everyone else lines up against the wall and takes turns coming out. If I’m on the mat practicing something like escaping from the bottom of side control and a 300+ pound white belt guy comes out, I will tell him, “I’m going to wait for the next person.” It might feel awkward, but staying safe is more important than avoiding awkwardness.

Many women who train Jiu Jitsu, upper belts included, have a blanket rule that they never roll with white belt males, because a strong, explosive white belt who hasn’t yet learned to train safely is the most dangerous type of person to train with…especially if their ego has been bruised.

As a white belt, it’s usually a good idea to avoid rolling with other white belts, because even if you’re both trying to keep each other safe, it’s easy for one of you to accidentally hurt the other person without meaning to. Choose upper belts to roll with when possible. Not only will they know how to keep the roll safe for both of you, they’ll also be able to help you improve.

If you do partner with another white belt, focus on positional rolling–achieving and maintaining a dominant position–instead of going for submissions, unless you’ve been specifically instructed to work on submissions.

8. If no one is asking you to Partner, be the one to ask.

To this day, most new men at my gym won’t ask me to partner or roll unless I’ve previously asked them to roll with me. Sometimes it can feel like you’re the last kid picked on the playground when everyone is pairing up and you’re the last one left, but if that happens, you have to remind yourself that you are there to learn and if no one else is going to make it happen, you have to do it yourself.

If you find yourself always being the last one picked, beat them to the punch and ask someone yourself–most people are too polite to say no. The type of training partner is usually someone close to your size and at or slightly above your ability level. Try to train with as many different people as possible who meet this criteria instead of always pairing up with the same person, so you get variety (and they do too).

9. Less Talking, More Drilling!

This won’t apply to everyone, but some beginners like to nerd out about the mechanics of a technique and end up spending most of their drilling time talking about edge cases and hypotheticals. These conversations are best saved for after class. The best way to get better at Jiu Jitsu is to commit the movements to muscle memory, and the only way to do that is to drill the movements again and again. It doesn’t matter how deeply you understand a technique if you can’t physically do it.

This should go without saying, but conversations on the mat about topics not related to Jiu Jitsu should also be limited. It’s great to get to know your training partners, but not to the extent that it prevents you from drilling and learning.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

It’s always okay to ask clarifying questions or ask to see a move demonstrated once more. Because I’m a kinesthetic learner, I’ll sometimes even ask my instructor if he can do the move on me so I can feel it. If you forgot a step or are running into a specific problem, don’t hesitate to ask for help or advice from the instructor, your training partner, or an upper belt drilling nearby.

One caveat: Keep your “what if” questions to a minimum. Usually when drilling a specific technique, your instructor will give you a way to set it up. Sometimes, white belts will ask, “but what if they do this instead?” and usually, the answer is, “then you do something different.” But you have to learn one technique a time. Focus on drilling the technique you’ve been assigned, and trust that if you keep showing up you’ll eventually learn the counter to the technique…and then the counter to the counter.

11. Beware of advice from Blue Belts.

Blue belts love to give advice to white belts because it’s exciting to feel like you finally know something after months or years of feeling like you suck. It can be incredibly helpful to meet a friendly blue belt who is willing to take you under their wing and show you all the basics, but just keep one thing in mind: their knowledge is based on their personal experience. What works for them may not necessarily work for you, and they may be missing information about subtleties that can make a technique not work.

Always defer to your instructor or a higher ranking student, and if you feel a blue belt is being a little too helpful (to the point of being unhelpful) feel free to tell them, “Thanks, but I’d rather work through this on my own and ask the instructor if I need help.”

12. Don’t avoid making mistakes.

I know it sounds cliche, but trying new things and failing repeatedly until you figure it out is the only way to learn. If you’re so focused on winning that you never attempt anything that feels risky, you’ll severely limit your progress. Instead of viewing in-class rolls as a competition, view them as a chance to experiment. If you can swallow your pride and be okay with tapping a lot, you’ll learn faster than if you are unwilling to step outside your comfort zone and experiment.

13. Keep Showing Up.

It’s been said that “A black belt is just a white belt who never quit.” You may not feel like you’re progressing, but if you keep showing up, you most definitely are, even though you may not be able to see it.

If you always compare yourself to your current training partners, you’ll always be discouraged, because just like you’re learning and improving, so are they. But if you are consistent with your training, a few years from now, there will come a day when a beginner shows up at your gym, and you’ll notice a definite difference between your ability and theirs.

To make your progress easier to see, it’s good idea to set small goals for yourself. Instead of an ambiguous goal like “suck less,” try setting a specific goal like, “learn to stand up in someone’s guard without getting swept.”

14. Don’t Come back too soon after an injury.

Unfortunately, injuries sometimes happen, and white belts are often the most accident-prone. If you end up becoming injured, don’t return to your training until your doctor has said it’s okay to do so. If your doctor has told you to wait 8 weeks and you go back after 6, you risk re-injury that could take you out for another month or possibly even cause your injury to become permanent.

As tempting as it can be to get back on the mats before you’re ready, an extra few weeks will not matter in the long run. In the meantime, you can still watch class and take notes. Many students have reported making faster progress when they returned due to the time they spent learning by watching.

15. Enjoy the journey.

My last tip is to not forget to have fun. If there comes a point where you’re feeling burnt out and no longer enjoying the sport, it’s okay to take a break or reduce your intensity. If the gym you’ve picked no longer feels like a good fit, it’s okay to try out another one. If you enjoy competing, then do it, but if you don’t, then just do Jiu Jitsu as as hobby! Life is too short to spend it doing something you don’t enjoy. Jiu Jitsu can be enjoyable, but it’s all in what you make of it!